Quick Thoughts

I've got a lot on my mind today, so we're going to enter the lightning round.  Speaking of game shows, do you remember when contestants on the Wheel of Fortune got to spend their money on the spinning showroom?  Pat Sajak is an interesting character to me, one that is reflected in Jeff Probst's success with Survivor.  They have both attempted to host a talk show that no one wanted to see.  They both believed that they had credibility outside their game show.  Sajak is a few years ahead of Probst in this respect.  He ducked out of the limelight and developed an impressive alcohol tolerance, I assume.  Now he hosts Wheel on autopilot, barely checking in from his booze-fueled haze.  Probst still has a glimmer of hope in his eyes, but this will soon die.  One trick ponies.  Chuck Woolery, Bob Eubanks and many others who I would recognize but never know their name.  The sad reality of game show hosts is real and sad.  That's deep.  This is where my heads at.  Enter at your own risk.

-In less than two weeks, season 4 of Arrested Development launches on Netflix.  This reality never seemed possible, but here we are.  With what emotion do we approach?  Can they recapture the magic of this insanely brilliant show years after they left it behind?  Let me back up:  Did they recapture the magic of this insanely brilliant show in Season 3?  I'm not sure they did.  Mr. F may have plunged a little too far off the deep end.  But I must admit that I love seeing Jason Bateman in Michael Bluth mode and not the variations on Michael Bluth mode that he's been selling on the big screen.  Buster juices and GOB cavorts on stage to "The Final Countdown."  You can count me in, brother. 



-Speaking of Netflix Originals, Arrested Development and House of Cards have distracted from the meat in this sandwich.  Hemlock Grove is an Eli Roth creation, which is probably enough to steer away from the subject entirely.  At times it feels like this werewolf soap opera would be more at home alongside One Tree Hill on the CW.  If I were to author the Hemlock Grove equation, it would go something like this:  Twilight + Twin Peaks + An American Werewolf in London = Hemlock Grove.  I know, I started with Twilight there, which I haven't seen and will not see.  So f*** me, right?  Nein.  Nein.  The romanticism is palpable, but there is something more sinister at work below the surface.  Punk Rock Girl and I are only three episodes in, but it has held my interest and keeps me guessing. 

-On the subject of math (I know, brilliant segue, right?), here's an interesting article on the ABC Conjecture and a fascinating math superstar/recluse that may or may not have solved an age old math dilemma.  You'll probably want to skip it, but that's on you.  Why are you so lazy?  The Paradox of the Proof

-I can't let significant Marvel news pass without commenting.  Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. promo apparently premiered over the weekend.  I've watched it a couple of times now.  Joss Whedon has appeared infallible since the Avengers dropped last year.  Clark Gregg (aka NOT Sparks Nevada) was an exceptionally likeable common thread throughout Marvel's Phase One of American Movie Domination. We shed a tear when he died in the Avengers.  We scratched our head when we heard he would star in Phase One of Marvel's Television Domination.  I was onboard.  Then came this picture:

Joss, baby, I know you like strong women characters, but this is a joke, right?  Am I signing up for Marvel's Agents of Dollhouse?  I am trepidatious.  Is that Doctor Who lurking in the back there?  Whedon is clearly locked in some Sisyphean struggle where he is doomed to remake Buffy the Vampire Slayer ad infinitum.  Buffy may be a man this time, but you can't fool me. 

-Side Effects is an excellent movie.  I've always held Steven Soderbergh in high regards as a director.  His ability to balance artistic urges with mainstream flair has resulted in some extreme highlights (Out of Sight, The Limey...and Ocean's Eleven probably wasn't half bad) but his track record of late was underwhelming to me (Haywire and Magic Mike).  Side Effects mines a surprisingly deep topic in the sale and marketing of anti-depressants for a film that looks reminiscent of so many that came before but ends up being something truly original.  The ending may knock this down a slight peg from a home run to a triple, but it never panders to the audience.  Supposedly this is Steven Soderbergh's last film, as he claims to be retiring.  I'll believe that when he's dead.  He has filmmaking in his blood and he'll be back for more. 

-Baseball is ugh right now.  The Angels are falling like some sort of quintessential falling object. (Your move Raymond Chandler!)  They sit 10 games out of first place. 10 games!  Are you kidding me?  They've barely been playing for a month.  Meanwhile, the Phillies are scrapping, hanging on by their fingernails while the season threatens to run away from them.  Still, there's desperate and there's so desperate that you decide to watch hockey playoffs instead.  I'm nowhere near that yet.  The Columbus Blue Jackets.  That's actually the name of a hockey team.  And they want to be taken seriously?  No wonder they take every couple of seasons off.

-I read today that the Sixth Sense was inspired by an episode of the old Nickelodeon show, Are You Afraid of the Dark?  This makes so much sense to me.  Now that M. Night Shyamalan's last defender has taken a seat, we can agree that his movies have all been stolen from kid's shows.  The Village = Salute Your Shorts.  The Happening = Clarissa Explains it All.  The Lady in the Water = You Can't Do That On Television.  The Last Airbender = Well, that one explains itself.  I guess he got tired of faking it and sought out the actual rights to a children's show.  Unbreakable though.  That movie was pretty tight.  (Look at me.  I'm practically a gang banger using language like that.) 

-The Official Cousin of the Blah Blah Blog submitted a reader question yesterday, asking my opinion on the film Centurion, staring Michael Fassbender.  As usual, I have no simple answer to provide.  Punk Rock Girl and I took in the film over a year ago and I generally remember liking it.  But my obsessions with directors lead me back to the film's creator, Neil Marshall.  This genre chameleon pops up in the Internet consciousness every couple of years with new geek catnip.  Start with Dog Soldiers.  (A werewolf movie!  You want themes?  I got themes out the ass.)  Dog Soldiers is his, "Hi! I'm Neil Marshall, Let Me Introduce Myself!" movie.  He still had something to say at that point.  Follow it up with The Descent, about a bunch of white women in a cave with Gollum.  That's how I remember it anyway.  It's good.  Not great.  If we proceed chronologically, we come to Doomsday.  Best as I can tell, he edited together some clips from the Mad Max movies with Braveheart for that one.  He may have filmed some original content, but it doesn't come to mind.  Then we have Centurion, an under the radar film that benefits more from Fassbinder's presence than anything else.  It has character, if not a budget.  The Neil Marshall train has yet to pull into a recognizable station yet, so I withhold overall judgment.  If his career had a Facebook profile, I might click "Like." If that means something, so be it.

-Vampire Weekend.  Modern Vampires of the City.  5/14.  Can't wait to get my vinyl copy delivered tomorrow.  Everything I've heard streaming online is phenomenal, but I will let you know once I hear it on vinyl.  Will Ezra Koenig be invited to the pants party?  Wait and see!