Blah Blah Bookshelf

Many thoughts are floating around my head today, but I feel the need to spend a few moments on the underappreciated art of words.  I'm got my mind on movies and movies on my mind lately.  I think that's rap.  But those aren't the words to which I refer.  Books, as it were.  The summer season is quickly approaching us or perhaps it is here.  Do we go by Memorial Day as the unofficial harbinger of summer still?  Or is it perhaps the release of the summer's first genre-defining blockbuster?  By that measure, summer arrived with the release of GI Joe: Retaliation.  No, no.  I kid.  I didn't hate the movie, but I hate on it.  You slutty little preposition, you make all the difference in the world.  I can't resist one tangent today, having mentioned GI Joe.  When was the last time Bruce Willis looked in the mirror?  Does he realize how old he has become.  His neck is kinda disgusting and wrinkly.  And his premature balding has become mature balded.  We know you don't have to shave it anymore, Bruno.  I say this with love.  Punk Rock Girl and I will be watching Die Hard 5 tonight.  I refuse to acknowledge the real title.  The mere fact that I failed to catch this "film" in theaters speaks volumes.  Once upon a time, a Die Hard movie release would have been a High Holiday in my religion, whatever that might be.  Now, it is a laughingstock.  It should have died with Die Hard: With a Vengeance (my second favorite in the series).  Then it should have died with Die Hard 4, which had a title only slightly less absurd than 5.  That one was weighed down by Kevin Smith (Get it?  A fat joke.) Who knew the title would be so prophetic.  This confounded tangent has blown up on me, so I will wrap it up.  I have more to say on the subject, so I'll save a full blown analysis for another day.  I'm dangerously close to invoking Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in a cross franchise tie-in, and if that comes up, we'll be here all day.

Let me reorganize my note cards...right, BOOKS.  Summer is the season for beach reading.  I don't go to the beach, but I do read.  The term itself, "beach reading," loosely translates to "I'm reading stupid books.  Leave me alone.  With advances in medicine, I'm technically still a 'young adult.'"  In the past week, I have filled my Kindle with reading material for the first half of the summer.  As usual, I am already reading 3 of the 4 books simultaneously.  Soon I'm sure to be 4 of 4.  These books have my full endorsement (without actually having read them) if you would like to read along with me.

BIG, IMPORTANT BOOK OF THE SUMMER - The Orphan Master's Son by Adam Johnson - This one was recently bestowed with the Pulitzer Prize for last year.  I wish I had waited and purchased the heavy paperback with the Gold Ribbon on the front that confirms I'm smart.  I'm still trying to figure out how my Kindle can let people know I'm better than them without having to engage in actual conversation.  North Korea is the timely topic of this book.  Straight from the headlines!  But it is fictional all the same.  As a portrayal of life within a country of which I know little, it is quite fascinating.  A severe density accompanies this book, as with many Pulitzer winners.  I unfortunately don't have much more to say on the subject right now.  This tome has the greatest chance of remaining a work-in-progress at summer's end.

AWFUL TITLE, REDEEMED! - NOS4A2 by Joe Hill - One glance at that title is enough to run you off.  I feared it, but I'm giving it a chance and my warm nature appears to be paying off.  Joe Hill is an emerging talent, by which I mean he will someday be a household name like his father, Stephen King.  Already he has developed a strong following with his novels, stories and comics.  In particular, I recommend Heart-Shaped Box (novel) and Locke & Key (comic).  I recently read a review that stated he has found his own voice that is unique and completely independent of his father.  Bulls***.  He is Stephen King's son.  Maybe his writing style took an early branch from the King family highway, but he is his father's son and has his father's idiosyncracies.  Imagine Stephen King crawled into a cocoon to burst forth as a fresh author for a new generation.  That description seems more apt.  My point is...awful title.  Really, really awful title.  I'm about 20% done and I'm still not sure what would have possessed him to choose that title.  Great story though. 

NON-FICTION ON TOPIC I HATE - Louder than Hell by Katherine Turman and Jon Wiederhorn - Subtitled The Definitive Oral History of Metal, this book delivers what it promises.  Gene Simmons claims he was the first to use the devil horns in the context of heavy metal, to which Ronnie James Dio responds, "Simmons will tell you he invented it, but then again Gene invented breathing and shoes."  This book is not in my wheelhouse, but I can never turn my back on music journalism.  If you enjoyed Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk Rock, this is an excellent companion piece.  If not, read Please Kill Me first.  Punk takes precedence. 

SUMMER READING - Inferno by Dan Brown - How can I defend this purchase?  I can't.  I won't.  I struggled with the decision myself.  But now it sits there on my Kindle.  I'll probably tear through it in a few days while more worthwhile novels go unread.  That saddens me.  Brown is the epitome of beach reading this summer.  By the time I'm done, you won't need my opinion.  It will just be the next Dan Brown book, fading into the past alongside the Da Vinci Code.  God willing, we won't have another movie about Tom Hanks inability to get a decent haircut.  (He wears a Mickey Mouse watch!  He's young at heart...exposition, exposition, exposition...Jesus raped Joan of Arc and Spider-man was born!)  Now I hate myself even more.  The story center's around Dante Alighieri's Inferno this time.  Can't a book just be a book?  Does it have to be a tool of the Freemasons or Illuminati?  I expect this one to be slightly less believable that the Dante's Inferno video game of a few years ago.

I've depressed myself.  I need a drink.