A Situation of Concern

With a topic so controversial and bleak, it is difficult to find an adequate starting point.  Yesterday I was faced with two references to the foreign concept of the "Brony."  I was unfamiliar and a subsequent explanation left me agape.  Webster's Dictionary defines "Brony" as...You thought I would do that?  I'm not a high school valedictorian.  Does anything turn you off more than a graduation speech that begins with a dictionary definition or ends with a quote from Doctor Seuss.  Apparently valedictorians are too busy studying to actually find a personality.  And that is why most of them end up as prostitutes in the Czech Republic.  And why is Czechoslovakia now the Czech Republic, or is it?  I don't have any stats to support that claim, so let's make like deodorant and roll on.

Anyways, Urban Dictionary defines "Brony" as: 
Typically refers to 13-30 year old male fans of the 2010 reboot of the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, but may also include females (see fillies).

Brony = Bro + Pony

While generally associated with a negative stereotype by outsiders, due to it's former 80's frilly girly-girl twinkle-toed tea-parties and all-female main casting, bronies are attracted to the new show by it's good animation, acting, writing, and humor.
So...hold up.  That's a word.  Clearly this was written by a Brony, as demonstrated by the distinctly apologistic final sentence.  Made up or otherwise, this word something people type into computers using those letters in that order on purpose.  How did America become this cesspool?  Not to beat an dead pony, but I blame the hipsters.  It was they that made this form of deviance acceptable.  A brief Googling came up with the following article:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/10/bronycon-2012-bronies-my-little-pony_n_1196695.html.  Following the link will give you a quick rundown of the 2012 Winter BronyCon.  Maybe I am overstepping boundaries here, but does this not imply four seasonally centered BronyCon's?  Or two at the absolute, rock bottom minimum.

Here is my issue.  This is not a gender role thing.  I may or not have possessed a Cabbage Patch Kid when I was a child.  My mother was sometimes confused about my gender.  BUT...let us not forget that Cabbage Patch Kids were produced by Coleco, which made the Colecovision gaming console, which I used to play the Smurfs video game on, which I kinda killed at, for what that's worth (a s*** ton).  So in retrospect, my Cabbage Patch Kid made me a bit of a badass, a trait which remains to this day.  (Bonus fact of the day: Coleco is an abbreviation of the Connecticut Leather Company.  Nothing I ever used from Coleco had a lick of leather.  Mind=Blown)

Back to the issue.  These are not individuals who want to share their love of a product with the world.  They feel the need to develop a subgroup of a subgroup in order to make themselves feel better about the life decisions they have made.  Instead of attending a general My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic convention, they need to have their own to prove that they are the hardest of the core.  That reeks of hipster.  Why can't a "Brony" share their love of little plastic ponies with the girls for which the product was intended?

Because it's creepy.  Grown men with little girls.  You know what is just as creepy?  Grown men with little boys who play with ponies.  And now they want to rent convention halls so they can share their feelings in private?  In my day, they had a club for people like this.  It was called NAMBLA.  They had conventions too, but they always ended in tears and chafing, I assume.

In fact, I think I have seen the Unofficial Brony Mailing List.  You can find it on the Internet if you search for Megan's Law.  If you ever find yourself being a Brony, you should probably inform the government if you live within 500 feet of an elementary school or park.

Here is the point of this situation.  Play with ponies, I don't care.  Don't touch kids innappropriately.  You are weird.  I am weird.  You are creepy because you feel the need to classify your weirdness and pretend that your social deviance equals superiority.  I am not creepy because I don't feel the need to impress my weirdness upon others.  My weirdness sleeps deeply and peacefully inside me.  If you are a Brony, you are pathetic and have not yet realized it.  If you wake up and smell the pony s*** that you're spreading, the world will be a better place.